Fifty Shades of Black – The title sounds an awful lot like my wardrobe. Anyways, this is a sequel mockery of the famous movie which was adapted from a book about what not to do during sex. In this feature, an inexperienced college student named Hannah (Jane Seymour) has to interview multi-millionaire Christian Black (Marlon Wayans), who got his money through theft. They have an awkward relationship which actually gets more strained between the two due to the strange sex that occurs. In order to avoid any claims of me being a racist, I’m going to skip the stereotype jokes. Seems like a somewhat better, funnier version of the original.
The Finest Hours – Taking place in the early ’50s when a Nor’easter moved its way through New England, destroying many ships in the process. But this movie focuses on the S.S. Pendleton which had the bad fortune to be torn in half. It’s up to first assistant engineer Ray Sybert (Casey Affleck) to help the whole crew resolve any and all issues and get to land without getting into any more trouble. Meanwhile, the Coast Guard sets out in their last resort ship, a wooden boat with a bad engine, to find the stranded sailors. But it’s hard to navigate in storm conditions. This already sounds like an exciting and thrilling film worth watching. Even the trailer shows good acting and worthwhile plot.
Kung Fu Panda 3 – Because Dreamworks has a habit of milking everything out their most famous animated movie series, ranging from zoo animal escapees to medieval ogres who make inner discoveries about personality. Po gets reunited with his birth father who brings him back to a panda paradise which can only mean new characters for a more nonsensical plot. The one good thing about Dreamworks series is that they keep your kids occupied with something to watch. Ooh, cool animals!