A long-time reader of this column recently remarked to me that I seem to have had a run of bad luck lately when it comes to picking quality titles to review. As negative review after negative has piled up, I’ve become concerned that my traditional Top 5 list for the year will read as more conciliatory than laudatory..
Perhaps I’m just a glutton for punishment as I have chosen this week to make another entry into my “Tax Shelter Movies” series, hardly a bellwether of quality cinema. In any case, the grainy, sun-bleached (and free!) library of Tubi has once again served me a slice of Canadian cinema cow pie with an unpleasant aftertaste that will linger long after viewing. Next case on the docket: 1978’s I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses.
Based on the true case of the 1973 murder of Christine Demeter by her husband Peter (who is still serving a life sentence in prison), this sordid fourth and last picture directed by Murray Markowitz opens with the brutal beating and murder of wealthy socialite Magdalene Kruschen (Elke Sommer) in her garage by an unknown assailant. The number one suspect is her wealthy land developer husband Charles (Donald Pilon) who looks guiltier than sin as he comes complete with a life insurance policy on the dearly departed, a younger and more attractive mistress (Cindy Girling), and a best friend (Chuck Shamata) willing to throw him under the bus and back over the body too.
The film unfolds via the trial and the most melodramatic flashbacks this side of a Z-grade soap opera. Then again, a soap opera would be unlikely to engage in this level of bloodshed. Between the main murder, its final act reprise, plus a couple other violent surprises, this film has the combined fake blood supply of Shaw Brothers and Hammer film studios with all the restraint of an overzealous film school student with an axe to grind.
Despite some notable names and familiar faces (recognize Cec Linder, the 1964 edition of James Bond’s CIA pal Felix Leiter?), the screenplay is performed at a junior high school level with over-dramatic line readings and some truly bizarre storytelling choices (Charles tells his daughter an allegorical story about his failing marriage while his wife is in the room!).
As this trainwreck unspooled in front of me, I could only find minor solace in a rare on-screen depiction of Canada’s justice system, complete with robes and addressing the judge as “my Lord”. It is also here where Richard M. Davidson gives one of the film’s few tolerable performances as Charle’s defence attorney.
In summation, I think the writer of that article that infamously skewered David Cronenberg’s immortal horror film Shivers owes that filmmaker an apology. There were far bigger wastes of taxpayer money during the tax shelter era and this bauble of celluloid refuse should’ve been enough for the House of Commons to repeal the entire cost capital allowance program. Thankfully they didn’t and the Canadian film industry was allowed to continue, but at what price?
2/10
I Miss You Hugs and Kisses can be streamed on Tubi, but there are far less time-consuming ways to gouge your eyeballs out